Thanks Weekend. You Kicked My Ass.

This past weekend kicked me in the ass in the best possible way:
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1. After speaking with an ex who’s been out of the picture for 10 years, I was reminded of the importance of a committed RELATIONSHIP + the ways in which it can better your overall state of happiness. It’s stirred up a bunch of thoughts in me - which I’ll share in my next Newsletter (subscribe if you haven’t) - on why I meet so many GREAT people who are Single + miserable - ill tell you why. Plus, I touch on how my own PRIDE in singledom / independence / individuality / freedom is actually an act of Cowardice (major fear), not Courage.
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2. I spent today writing out my HEALTH non-negotiables, meaning, I’m upping my game in taking care of ME w/a serious no-bullshit plan which I can tap into every time I feel tempted to say yes, over-extend, over-book, etc. basically causing myself more harm than good. List includes: meditation, alone-time, prioritizing sleep + rest, saying NO to things that do not stir up joy in me, re-setting relationship boundaries, acupuncture, writing etc. If I can’t help me, I can’t help others.
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3. Speaking My TRUTH. Period. SO done. SO over the idea of using Fear as a crutch against FULLY BEing. Yes there’s potential for getting hurt - It’s part of life. The pain. The rejection - but if I can’t be ALL of me, then this ain’t gonna work, period. The lack of Speaking has manifested in physical pain in my jaw, + Universe, I hear you now. Speak Your Truth! I will. Even when I’m fucking terrified. Fear be damned.
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4. ROOTS. After seeing a reiki healer + her describing my root chakra as a deflating balloon whipping around in the sky..my stomach dropped. So true. With all this movement (and 30+ moves since childhood) my instability meter is broken. I’m done (for now). Can’t do it anymore. Time to place roots. In places. In people. In relationships. In work. In Me.
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That’s all. Thanks for the kick. I needed to get the wind knocked out of me to wake up again. Oh, + nature. Need more time w/nature.

As most, I get easily frustrated with time + the timing of things. Patience is something I’ve yet to master. It’s something my Father always talked about ever since I could remember. In hindsight, his “patience is the key to success” isn’t so different from the Trust The Process philosophy I try to apply to my life + preach in Workshop. However, as with most things, it’s easier said than done, especially when it requires one to rewire YEARS of doing things a certain way.
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My lack of patience shows up EVERYWHERE. It’s only when things (finally) HAPPEN that I stop to think “ahhh...that’s why that pause occurred, or this door closed for another to open, etc”. It’s easy to TRUST when it’s been proven. Much harder to believe in something that doesn’t yet exist.
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My Recovery. My body. Well, it takes A LOT of patience. A LOT of trying to stay positive when things are constantly breaking at the slightest touch of the winds against me. At times, I wonder, will I ever catch an f’in break?! I’m doing things right NOW! Can’t we get to working normally? But it doesn’t work that way.
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After 10+ years of abusing my body it’s simply impossible for it to heal in 13 months. The damage done needs that; TIME to heal, replenish + build up a reserve in order to be at base norm again. It’s especially frustrating when I SEE THAT I LOOK HEALTHIER. Look! I’ve gotten curvier! It’s proof that I’M BETTER. Yes, physically, but not physiologically, which is the part we don’t get to see. Which is when it becomes HARD to Trust the Process.
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That’s where the PATIENCE, the Trust the Process mentality needs to kick in. It’s the believing in the non-tangible things, the snail paced developments that are building invisibly in the right direction when we least expect them to. It IS being grateful for the minor results + then acknowledging that there is still much work to be done. It just takes...time.
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Apply this to ANYTHING. Relationships, work, facilitating change. Don’t give up. Do not doubt. Just keep pushing. Keep moving forward. One step at a time. Time is doing the work for you. Be patient. Trust it + watch it work Wonders for you.