BIG FUCKING WIN
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Can’t tell you the last time I sat down at a restaurant, read through the menu, and went with the choice that my heart most desired.
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We’re talking high school on a major binge day (hi TR) which would have been accompanied by an insanely long + difficult run the following morning.
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Or if we’re talking the depths of my eating disorder which consumed the last ten years of my life, no decision would have been made without first meticulously studying the menu for the lightest option, smallest portion size, and least noticeable plate presentation- meaning, how can I make it seem like I’ve eaten something when I haven’t really eaten anything at all.
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In order to make this decision I’d first have to put in the work: a week of “prep”, better known as barely consuming food in order to get myself to eat in public, which was followed by a week of even stricter restriction + total annihilation at the gym. Suffice it to say that the process was exhausting, draining, a waste of time and energy, and completely socially debilitating, and ultimately nearly cost my life.
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This may be hard to comprehend for someone who hasn’t suffered from an Eating Disorder. One could say...it’s pasta...so what? And that’s the point. It’s pasta! It’s a major NO. MAJOR NO.
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But today it was a TOTAL YES. No ifs, ands, or buts. Just YES. And sure, it may seem small, silly even, but it’s a big deal, a step forward, and in my world - the world of a Recovering Anorexic - a Big Fucking Win.
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p.s. thanks for sharing this moment with me Mama 🖤
p.p.s. Yes @kristinasemak that is UNI