Walking into 2019

January 20, 2019 Alyonka Larionov

Writing works

For those of you following me since DAY 1 and/or have attended my Workshops, know that I talk about writing like one does about one’s faith. That is, it is religion-like for me. It’s solved a many things in my life. Acted as a meditation. And created pause for a response to form, rather than a reaction. It’s also (always) aided as my most trustworthy guide. After all, it is my intuition and/or connection with (insert here), a pure stream of consciousness without any fear of seeming any other way than ME.

So - when it came to writing out 2019, because I had spent months writing, rehashing and letting go of all my thoughts and happenings (on paper) leading up to the new year, the words came out rather smoothly. Autopilot, even.

My list below on all the things I’ll be working on + out in 2019 (sans editing) straight from my NB.

2019 ONWARD…

FINDING THE POSITIVE IN EVERYTHING

yes, even in the not so good.

RECOGNIZING THE SOUL LESSON

as in people which enter into your life, if even for a singular exchange. like X being a much-needed lesson + reminder to Self of my ability to be feminine + nurturing

REMAINING IN GRACE

staying in kindness + love even in the more pressing situations, where all bodily functions point to attack, and yet, grace spills over instead

REMEMBERING TO RELEASE RESENTMENT + HATE

which includes Anger. When stimulated by Else’s anger / resentment / rage / negativity, etc., remind Self that their actions/emotions are their cross to bear, not mine. My path is one where I understand that I can soothe via kindness + love much more quickly and efficiently than I can if I were to reciprocate, mimic, or match their energy.

MIRRORS SHOW THAT WHICH WE MUST WORK ON

that which irritates us in others, irritates us in Self.

FILL THE SOUL CUP

It is all too easy to be washed out by trivial experiences. Less of these. More of Soul-Nurturing ones. My goal is to blossom not wilt. Wilting is far too easy in the realm of the toxic frequency that is people-pleasing,

ATTACHMENTS ARE LOW FREQUENCY

This will prove to be the hardest lesson + something I am not well-versed in. I am in question of how one can remain unattached from family, partnership, especially children.

ACCOUNTABILITY | WHEN HEARTFELT WITH BOUNDARIES

Being Accountable, a trait so lacking in the world these days. This emphasis on “i want it now” “I can, so I will” has rubbled our world into a space of anxiety where one hesitates before relying on another. I want to be accountable. My word is my word. However, boundaries are necessary so as not to Wilt.

BOUNDARIES ARE NECESSARY IN ORDER TO SURVIVE

as this World is one where it asks so much of Self + will take as much as you allow it to..

PLAY THE DUMMY WHEN NECESSARY

Perhaps it would behoove me to play the dummy more frequently. It is not necessary to showcase “wisdom” ie; ego, by debating + retorting to thoughts I do not find agreeable.

SILENCE IS POWER. SOFTNESS IS STRENGTH

Know when to say something + when to Listen. LISTEN, LISTEN, more. As much as I already LISTEN, always remind Self to sprinkle in a bit of softness in your demure. It is a cloaked weapon of strength in a seemingly weak armor. This kind of disposition need not show Weakness. Rather, it leads the less wise astray, opening space for their Ego to Shine as they drown in their false sense of victory, whilst you silently complete your defeat.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TAKEN CARE OF + LOVED

Give yourself the opportunity to be loved by ALL. Taken care of by ALL. Fill yourself up, as you provide Love to ALL. Practice so that you are able to RECEIVE FULLY from the Man that is Arriving.

AN EXCERPT

January 1, 2019 ||

I began on September 20th, that is, following my heart. I haven’t yet found the words to explain what this means or how it can be replicated and strung into a neatly packaged book, but it’s slowly coming to me that once you move boldly, the Universe opens up for you.

I can only explain it in the way that I see it and it is a certain plugging-in with the currents all around, activating the clouds that had previously blocked your pathways, gently moving them aside as you step boldly into the direction your heart, your gut, your intuition is calling at you. It’s just a gravity pull where the bottoms of your rib cage sink closer to your navel, curling all force into the core of Self. There is an undeniable strength there -- which guides, and leads, and halts when need be. It is only felt when stil. Only vibrating once believed in. It’s a portal that had always existed but had never been used -- it was as if I was walking through life as a zombie, eyes closed, waving my hands in the air trying to feel my way through this existence.

Here, now, I am in my power.

CONVERSATION takeaways

speaking with a woman recently she told me this story:

a man comes to see his priest.

he says to him,

‘recently i’ve been hurting a lot of people. i’d like to change. to receive forgiveness’.

the priest answers,

‘every time you hurt someone, put a nail in the door in your room’.

‘what then father?’

‘then come see me again.’

the young man goes about his days, filling up his door with nails. when the door was wiped clean of any space left, he returned to the priest.

‘my door is filled, father’

the man said.

‘now go back to every person you’ve hurt and do something kind for them. after every act of kindness, take out a nail. then come back to see me.’

the young man nodded and went away. he did kindness after kindness, and after removing all the nails, he returned to the priest.

‘father, i’ve now repaired all the damage i’ve done. the door is nail-free. may I be forgiven now?

i am a changed man.’

‘what is it that you see when you look at the door?’

the priest asked.

‘Holes, father. Holes.’

‘Yes. That is the damage done. Now you know better.’

thoughts from i’notes

A man, a stranger walking down the street with a face freshly beaten from a fight, left me with a sudden urge to want to gently roll my fingers across his pain and to make him feel whole again.