How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
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used to be my m.o.: break before broken, hurt before hurt by other, leave before left, walk before walked out on, destruct before destructed, push before pushed, etc etc.
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defense mechanisms are established young. In some form or another it’s our autopilot survival mode; as rejection, abandonment, pain, trauma accumulates...the more times we’re left heart-broken, taken advantage of, made fun of, left behind, ignored, manipulated, hurt, the less we open up our heart. It’s a learned-behavior: Other is not to be trusted, Other will hurt. See? Look at my past! The proof is in the pudding. My pudding that I waddle around in trying to find ways to avoid ever being seen, ever being hurt, ever being scarred, again.
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10 days is a bit dramatic but when things got close, when I was just about there, I’d wave the keys to the kingdom in front of the Other’s face, scratch them up, rip out their heart, + walk away. Why? Because I learned from the best. From Other in the ways they’d treated me before in a long list of examples. I was trained well. A good student, so I executed perfectly. Every single time.
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At 32, I recognize (through a TREMENDOUS amount of work) that the only person I was hurting was ME (although they were hurt, too). It was ME who was walking out on several good things, most importantly ME, by robbing myself the freedom TO FEEL.
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So when I walked out in this dress for the GQ Awards + received messages in reminiscence of this movie I felt three things at once: 1. I hope not to be promoting this way of thinking/being/acting, 2. Thank god I am no longer Andie Anderson pushing Ben Berry away (that life was miserable + empty), 3. It’s SO important I make this statement in writing bc I know SO many people playing this game ON BOTH ENDS. When you hedge your bets in Love, when you ‘one foot in/one foot out’ in Love, when ‘hurt before hurt’ in Love you always-ALWAYS end up losing. You always walk out with an empty hand.
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So, the next time you think about jumping ship when things become too scary, take a pause, breathe, + remember that you’re going to be okay. Certainly better off than if you were to continue playing your game.