I WANTED TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH ALL OF YOU, NOT JUST OUR SUBSCRIBERS.
REASON 1 IS BECAUSE FOR EVERY UF WEEKLY I ADD A PERSONALIZED NOTE BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS, EXPERIENCES, AND/OR LESSONS LEARNED, AND I'D LIKE YOU TO CONSIDER SIGNING UP FOR THAT REASON. REASON 2, I FELT THAT MY GOOD ENOUGH POST PT. I, WASN'T MY WHOLE TRUTH. AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.
IF I WANT OTHERS TO CHAMPION FLAWS, I HAVE TO CHAMPION MY OWN.
SO THIS IS FOR YOU.
xx. alyonka
Hi All. I wrote a piece this week. Then, I deleted it. I felt inspired to write it after I watched a video from one of my favorite YouTube channels + websites, The School of Life. It was about being "good enough". I suffer, deeply, with the idea that I'm not good enough, and to be frank, I'm not sure I would know the 'good enough' feeling if it were to slap me across the face. I am that far removed from the concept.
A lot went into this writing. It was pretty personal, touching on scars that I'd acquired over my life. I made mention of my scars, not with the effort to point fingers, place blame, or to gain pity, but with the hope that my honesty would alleviate the loneliness that millions of people feel during their own personal battles with their inner demons. I felt that if I proved that even I am capable of feeling such levels of low, that maybe it would act as a hug to others, comforting them in knowing that they're not alone.
But, even writing what I just wrote above makes me cringe - which is in part why I deleted my writings in the first place - who am I to think that my existence is so bad? Of course, it isn't. I come from a privileged family. I've been provided with countless opportunities, some through acquaintances, most through my hard work. I've never been crippled by financial situations - although most would say I'm extremely frugal, I haven't been backed up against a wall. I have great friends. Beautiful siblings. I've traveled. More or less, I've survived and GREATLY, at that.
I am extremely lucky. Truly, I am. I have a incredibly supportive parents - not to say that they are flawless - but they're doing the best they can, and there's never been anything that's been truly unruly.
Let me be clear. My life is NOWHERE near the stories I researched or physically observed while working for VICE.
So how does my story of struggling to feel "good enough" stand a chance to live without criticism when I seemingly have the "what more could you possibly ask for" life. It probably doesn't. And worst of all, it doesn't stand a chance against my own criticism - clearly, I deleted my own personal inner struggles because I feel that I'm not good enough, meaning, I'm not a good enough "suffering candidate" to share my story.
However, I'll say this. No matter our circumstances, the core need of a human being is to feel like we matter: to our parents, our siblings, our friends, our love interests, our partners, our jobs, our bodies, our social media...the list goes on! And if we don't feel like we're good enough, then how could we possibly be good enough to matter. We can't
Sure, we can argue that these topics may be trivial. "Who cares that you dislike your legs, at least you have them!" or "So what you grew up with an emotionally unavailable father, at least your father is not dead!"
But here's the thing, trivializing or diminishing someones feelings, deeming them less important or less significant than others, is detrimental to our goal of coming together, and the antithesis of UF.This type of thinking is isolating, angry, shameful, harmful, painful, and full of fear. This has to stop. And it begins with me. I have no problem being compassionate and empathetic towards others, but if I can't do that with myself, then I'm cheating others and me.
So, I'm going to invite you to join me in changing these patterns and to practice more compassion towards yourself and towards others, in order to give us the opportunity for collective healing. And if you feel like you're already healed, well then bless you (here's a tissue), and please take a minute to share that blessing with the rest of us.