90% Authentically You.
This year I started my platform so that I could Speak My Truth.
I realized that I had fallen into the trap of many: portraying the 10% most glamorous moments of my life while hiding the 90% Truths. One of those Truths was my Eating Disorder. Someone this week wrote to me + let me know that I used to be a thinspo person for them. My heart cracked. Someone (there are probably others) looked up to me as an example of a good body. That body, or the way in which I got it (whatever that means) was an ILL body & a dying body. What we post matters.
I also heard from a friend this week whose let me know that her fight is too hard. She hopes to one day reach a state of happiness & recoverED, like me. Then, my closest friend wrote to me saying, “you seem great via social media”. Then others, “you seem so happy via your posts. you must be in a really good place”.
All of these were red flags cuz the truth is I am NOT recoverED. I am struggling with the process every single day. I am not healed. Honestly? I am not “happy”. I am a Content 5- neither carrying sadness, nor flying on joy. But I want to make this clear: nearing 9 months of Recovery in comparison to ten 10 YEARS living in an illness, I have a long road ahead of me.
I write this because I do not want those hurting, those who write to me for support, those who attend my workshops, to feel that I’m coasting. As if stepping into a new way of existence is a magical overnight change. It’s fucking hard. Some days better than others.
Like December 25th.
Picture 1 is in the early morning. Picture 2 (my Truth) is after a fight with my mom, a series of never-ending conversations where I try to make her understand that I didn’t come up with this illness & that contrary to her beliefs, I’m doing SO much better, even though it’s not where she’d like for me to be.
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Perhaps I’ll write about this one day. For now, it’s important I let YOU know that I am still a work in progress. I am still hurting. I am still fighting. I am still grieving the part of me that I lost. I AM getting better. I am trying REALLY hard. MY best. You keep doing yours 🙏🏼